XENA

You really tossed her off a cliff?

GABRIELLE

Yup. All gone. Let’s head back to the river. I have a four o’clock feeding to do.

XENA

Okay.
(still in her own little world)
Just tossed her off a cliff. First you kill a priestess, then you kill your kid. I like this new side of you, Gabrielle. Very forceful; very bloodthirsty. It’s a good look for you.

GABRIELLE

Thanks.

XENA

Look what I found! It’s...
(checking)
...a little girl! And she’s the same age as the kid you just whacked.

GABRIELLE

What a coincidence. Can we keep her? Huh? Huh? Pretty please with baclava on top?

XENA

She must belong to someone. Let’s find her parents. Wow, deja vu. Maybe King Gregor knows something about it.

GABRIELLE

How’s my lil pumpkin? How’s my lil Hopey-wopey? Ooooh, look! You’ve got my nose. And your daddy’s glowing red eyes!

XENA

Gabrielle? Did you hear me? I said we need to find her parents.

GABRIELLE

Yeah, I’d love to have a chat with her dad.

XENA

Okay... we should look for a couple where one or the other has reddish blonde hair, green eyes, a button nose, cloven hoofs, fangs, a head that spins completely around and horns -- shouldn’t be too hard.

BRUJAS

Behold! ’Tis Gabrielle and her child of Dahok whom she pretended to find in a small reed boat after faking a throw down a cliff! We worship thee! Bring unto us thy ultimate evil!

GABRIELLE

(to Banshees)
Ix-nay on the ahok-Day aby-bay.

XENA

Huh. Looks like they’re celebrating a religious holiday or something. It must be affecting you, because you’re speaking in tongues.

GABRIELLE

It’s just my accent. I’m from the southside of Poteidaia, y’know.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)
(giggling)
That tickles, Hope! Don’t stab Mommy.

XENA

I’m still trying to get over your having tossed the kid down a cliff. It’s so not like you. But then, you would never lie about something like that. Not just to save your child.

GABRIELLE

Hope, honey, don’t kill the nice lady. Here, have some garlic toast.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)
Oops! Mea culpa, Snakeytongue. Here’s some goat’s blood, instead.

XENA

Kids sure grow up fast here in Britain. Coulda sworn that was just a baby.

GABRIELLE

(dangerous)
What are you saying?

XENA

Nothing. Just making an observation.

GABRIELLE

Well, it’s not Hope! I threw her down the cliff. This is just a baby that was coincidently floating down the river, nothing more.

XENA

Spawn of evil! She must die!

GABRIELLE

Stop! What are you doing?!?

XENA

No child is that sweet looking! She cannot be human!

GABRIELLE

She’s just happy because she killed a farmer’s family back there!

XENA

Oh. My mistake. Sorry, Gabrielle.

XENA

Gabrielle, I know it’s going to be difficult for you to go on being the happy, cheerful little cherub you’ve always been now that you’ve murdered your first born, but I want you to know I’m here for you.

GABRIELLE

Thank you, Xena.
(spots Hope ripping the heart out of a villager then eating it)
Hope, honey! No snacks before dinner!
(to Xena)
I’ll be okay. Are there any hard feelings about me throwing you to the Banshees and extolling them to rip you limb from limb?

XENA

Nah. Any qualms about me chasing you across Britannia intent on murdering your daughter?

GABRIELLE

Not a one. These things happen.

XENA

Good. Looks like we can survive anything. Well, anything except a lie. I mean, if you ever lied to me, well, that’d be it, y’know?

GABRIELLE

(guilty)
Yeah... um... about that kid we found...

XENA

Let’s forget about her for just a moment. I’m hungry. Let’s go out for Chinese.

GABRIELLE

You want to just forget about the kid while we go running off to China?

XENA

Why not? She’ll be here when we get back, and then we can just take up where we left off.

GABRIELLE

It’ll take us a couple weeks to get halfway across the world and back, but okee doke! Sounds good to me.
(to Hope)
Be a good girl until Mommy gets back, okay?

XENA

Can’t wait to eat some of those little dumpling things again.

GABRIELLE

Dim sum?

XENA

Yeah... Oh, this’ll be fun. After all, what can happen to us in China?